“Shadow Games”

I am not satisfied
Not by the food I eat
Not by the career I chose
Not even my purpose in this life

I question myself on a daily
Where am I going
In this lifetime
I have been wondering aimlessly
Far too long

I am hungry for something
That feels so far
Out of my reach
This craving has created sleepless nights
Making me delirious and crazy

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It has me spinning in circles
Chasing my tail
I am so clueless
I do not know what I want

Or what direction to go
I am a dog looking for my bone
Unsure
Where I buried it

It seems I’ve been searching
For what I’ve been missing inside myself
So long it’s becoming an unsolvable mystery
My anxiety has been building up

Feels like a volcano
Ready to erupt
Flowing out Hot lava
Burning everything it touches

This hunger of mine
Is a torturous thing
Never giving me peace
My stomach is always rumbling

As if I am starving
But I skip no meals
I have always cleared my plate
I eat everything

Getting my nourishment
It’s not enough
I have never felt full
A familiar emptiness

That has been with me
Since my first breath
That has grown stronger and stronger
Day after day

I am being pulled
In all directions
I feel I’m coming undone
I am afraid

That what I’m searching and craving for
May never be found
My hunger is leading me blindly
Only to have me chasing shadows

-Yellowbonewonda

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“Hide And Seek”

It’s time to plot
Be conning
Be a mastermind
And get what’s mine

My dreams have been
Getting away from me
For far too long
They are much further away than usual

As if they are running and hiding
Into the darkest of places
So I can not find them
I refuse to let them escape from me

Again
It will not happen
No more
I promise

I am a beast
At the top of the food chain
Looking down from the best vantage point
Of the mountain

With the sun at my back
So it will be hard to see me coming
An ultimate predator
I am

On a mission
​Preparing
To devour all my dreams
I’m stalking them one by one

Like they are my prey
Ready to pounce on them
Using my claws to rip them open
To get to the best parts

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Just to feed on them
Slowly so I can taste every flavor
Layer by layer
Taking me to those places of

Happiness
Joy
Freedom
Those dreams have no chance

I am definitely
Going to make them a reality
I’m on to their scent
I want them so badly

I can taste them
I’m salivating when
Remembering how they would
Make me do a happy dance in my chair at the dinner table

To the music playing
Only in my head
This time nothing can stop me
But myself

I’m not stopping until I get all of them
None of them get a pass
My dreams
Will be my nourishment
Making me a more powerful ferocious beast

-Yellowbonewonda

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“Pieces Of Me”

My biggest heartbreak
Is losing someone
That I’ve made room for
In my heart
A place that has limited access
With few members
I open that door
Slowly and cautiously
And those that are privileged
To enter
I hold closest to my heart
I am devastated by the fact
When they have to leave me
For eternity
I understand when it’s your time
It’s what it is
But I don’t have to except
That defeat
That final decision
Of one doctor saying
Your life is over
That’s the only thing
I’m in denial of
It must be a mistake
20170726_220543
A piece of my world
Has fallen apart
Hearing you tell me you are dying
And there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening
There is no machine to go back into time
And remove all this pain I’m feeling
And erase the moment the doctor
Diagnosed
Terminal
No chance of help
As tears swell up
All I can do
Is look up into the night sky
To find a shooting star
And wish for as many things I can
Before it’s out of my sight
I wish you all the things that money can’t buy
Love
Happiness
Joy
I wish you a full life
I wish you peace from all your demons
I wish you actually knew
How special you are to me
I just wished you believed in what was real and staring you in your face
I wish this world had no diseases
Taking people that had so much to give
Way too soon
They are a small piece of a puzzle by many
But in my eyes the biggest piece of my soul
Now lost between the cracks
Given a life sentence
That could have been avoided
Missed by people counting pennies
Instead of looking at the test
For abnormalities
To save a life
That meant so much to me

 

 

-Yellowbonewonda

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“Fighting The Wrong Enemy”

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Let’s make a truce
Let’s stop fighting
Against each other
This battle
We have going on between us
Is a distraction from
The real war going on all around us
The enemy is allowing us to kill each other
Lowering our numbers
Using tactics of
Divide and conquer
Winning without fighting us
Or being accountable
For their transgressions
They have used the media
To put us in a daze
Talking about celebrities
That went crazy
To overshadow what is really going on
In our own government
They have used the law
To put those that see threw them
Behind bars
Saying they are causing a riot
But all they are doing is waking up those that are sleepwalking
Through this problem
Look behind you
See
All their loyal soldiers
Have moved
Into position
To surround us
Didn’t you notice
How close they are to us
When we first began this game of extreme deadly chess
Before we became their pawns
Doing their bidding
Destroying what once united us
Through our humanity
Believing
All life is valuable
This thick smoke screen
Is a way to keep us deaf blind and stupid
Fighting each other
Not seeing the truth
To what is really going on
Behind the big black curtain
Right in front of us
We have lost the meaning of our promise
To be We the people
Not We the government
We have been blind long enough
Fighting amongst ourselves
Getting more distant
From what is important
And taking down our common enemy
We are allowing them to do as they please without consquences
Stop injesting
What they are telling us
Eating it up as if it is the gospel truth
Research their calculations
Check them twice
Then check them twice again
Stop being gullible
Question their intentions
So we can find the inconsistencies
They are giving us
Not one person is responsible for our demise
We are all getting
Off track
Of the big picture
To be free
Productive
Living our own life
Undivided
Without having to looking over our shoulder

Yellowbonewonda

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I am Greatful!!!

 
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To all my followers and visitors

A HUGE THANK YOU goes to all my followers and vistors from United States,Ireland,Bangladesh, Egypt,India, Sweden, United Kingdom, Russia, Austria, Poland, Turkey, Qatar, Fiji, Philippines, Lithuania, Czech Republic, Laos, Spain, Mexico, South Africa, Cambodia, Germany, Canada, New Zealand, Denmark, United Arab Emirates, Maldives, Nepal, Nigeria, Trinidad, Tobago, Israel, Indonesia, Malaysia, New Delhi,Brazil, Australia,Costa Rica, Calcutta, Morocco, Russia, Guatemala, Romania, Italy, Veitnam, Pakistan, Finland, Portgual, Slovakia, Dominican Republic, Singapore, Madagascar, France, Argentina, Switzerland, Hungary, Jordan Serbia, Hong Kong and Kenya .
Thank you so much for following me and reading my poems.I really hope you continue with me on my journey.

You all are the best!!!!

“She Just Wants Peace”

Intelligent
Loving
Attractive
Funny
Full of dreams of being someone her children
Can look up to
She has the biggest heart
Sometimes too big
It can be her weakness
Often weakening her spirit
Even though she has struggled
For many years
Feeling like she’s in a losing battle
She has been responsible for the little people she has brought into this world
Unlike some other parents
Not accepting their role to be a parent
That neglect or leave their children to chaperone themselves
Her kids have never gone without
The basics
Food
Shelter
Clothes
Or the greatest gift
Her undying devotion and love for them
I can only give her advice
To tell her to stop her stressing
So much
And Handle only the things
She can control
Letting go of things she can not do nothing about
She has stood alone
Long enough
As a single mom
Taken advantage of
By those that say
They love her
Taking her kindness as weakness
Begging for what little she’s got
Taking her last dime
But when she needs help
They leave her to fend for herself
Not caring that in her desperation
To provide for her children
She has to ask for help from strangers
Her children have looked into windows of everyone else’s lives
They are mad at not having the latest whatever
Being disrespectful
Lazy and demanding
Not helping her as she struggles
By complaining
What they don’t have
They don’t see they are better off than many
To be greatful they are not in the system
On the streets
Or in a shelter
She is beyond determined
She has hustled each time
To make sure they never see that kind of horror
Her man is a low down that doesn’t provide
Selfish and a coward
Never protecting her from people
That threaten their relationship
By putting them in their place
And setting boundaries
That no one should cross
When he’s suppose to love her
With ever fiber
He uses her
Eating her food
That’s for her and her children
Not paying bills
Not Being present
Not Being compassionate
Showing her she is a value
Her family is the worst not supportive
She stands alone
Always
Fighting for every step forward
Because everyone around her
Keeps pushing her backwards
Leaving her out of family gatherings
Not visiting her
Or having a relationship with her children
Keeping secrets from her
Plotting to do everything that undermines her
Doing the most to talk her out of decisions she’s made in living her own life
As she sees fit for her and her children
All she wants is to be left alone
And live in peace with her children

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-Yellowbonewonda

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“Necessary Knowledge “

Society is not living like a secret
Long ago
When the word sex
Was a word never spoken out loud
Sex is on the internet
On television
In books
Done in public at times
Perverts
Pedophiles
And people in general
Are not going away
Educate these children
So they will not be a statistic
Anyone that looks at children
In a sexual way is a threat
Unprepared children
Raised by someone that still in that belief
If they don’t educate about sex
It will stop a child from growing up
When their body is developing
Boys and girls are being looked at
And
Talked to because they are looking older physically
People preying on that naiveness
And lack of education
Using peer pressure to ring them in
It’s a shock
In this society
Children are not equipped with important knowledge
That sex has consequences
It can produce life
Or it can take life away
With a deadly disease
For a child
Not prepared to say no
That will tell someone that can help stop it
If they feel used or abused
Or became pregnant
I am not understanding
Why
It is not a conversation
Being had
It’s unbelievable
Girls are still hiding pregnancy from family and friends
In fear of disappointing loved ones
In fear of being teased by everyone
A child
Becoming a mother
Unable to appreciate
What life that grows in her
Hiding and alone
Where no one can help her
Where no one can support her
Where no one can be with her
Telling her things will be alright
Giving birth to a deadly situation
A child that no one wanted
Born in this world
Tossed in a garbage bend

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Without the power to cry
Muffled by
A cord that nourished him in the womb
And the same cord killing him with every breath he tries to grasp
Tightening more and more around his throat
His spirit was strong
His fight was long
For the few minutes
He came into this world
Abandoned
Because a child
Was not taught
About the consequences of sex
Or how to say no to peer pressure

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.”

“Just Going Through Motions”

 
You come from a life of singularity
Now you’re banging at the door
Waiting to be let in
The world of couples

Some people are just not meant
To cross into that place
After years
Getting no where

Keeping up an appearance
In everyone’s eyes
Of being a couple
Playing house

Without the commitment
You decided
To do something different
Going for something

You’re not ready for
That is not part of
Who you really are
And not a normal life for you

What you are
Is a player
Or a hoe
Whichever you prefer

It’s funny
You want to be part of a family
In holy matrimony
Doing things like others

Trying to fit in
Like your friends
That have grown up
Now married with a family

Saying your ready to be part of that world
But you don’t know what to do
Acting like a moron
You can not play stupid
This time

When the internet
Has examples of how to do it
Or be simple
Be original

Express what your heart feels
In that moment
You should know what that is
I hope

To say how you feel
How if I’d never became part of your life
How your life would be without me

Instead
A big bang
Echoed in my ears
Making my ears ring
As I looked down

At a shotgun hole
Where my heart use to be
It was a flash of light
That passed by me

He threw me a lame marriage proposal
That made my stomach drop
And crys of joy became
So dry it was a desert

I saw him on bending knee
Felt a slapped on my butt
Like his team won the series
Then uttering something like your part of the family now

Left in shock without words
As he slipped the ring on my finger
Without me answering him
Standing there in disbelief

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The assumption I would accept
Such a lack of effort
In the most beautiful place
A scene in the movies

All you had to do was
Use it
Act like you cared
Just a little more than your effort

It felt like you did it to shut me up from complaining
Or keep me from leaving you
And it didn’t work
I’m done

-Yellowbonewonda

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“Soulmates Separated “

Do you ever wonder
What could have been
If we stayed in that moment
And didn’t pass
On what could have been
Our timing
Was always
Off
Never free
At the same time
Missing our opportunity
To be together
In this lifetime
Scared to voice our feelings
But feeling the same thing
For each other
Without the words being said
A spark of love
Was what we had
Opposites
That’s what we were
Two halves
That were made whole
Once we had been put together
That first time
We made eye contact
A force field surrounded us
Letting no one in our zone

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It was
A magnetic connection
Pulling us closer and closer
It caused us to lose time
And gave us all of time
We needed
To be together
In that moment
Caught in a dream
Playing over and over
Imprinting everything
We felt on our souls
To remind us of the love we shared
Only to part
Time and time again
Chasing dreams that we both had
Just not meant to be
At that time
Was our excuse
Now separate lives we are living
So
Do you still feel me imprinted on your soul?

-Yellowbonewonda

“All Rights Reserved: The copyright holder retains all the rights provided by copyright law, such as distribution, performance, and creation of their work.”

“I’m Not Being Captured”

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I can not look into my past
To reminisce with you
I would be running
Into the darkest dreary night
Without a flashlight
My focus is where the sun is shining
Well lit and alive
Showing me the way to my future
And what I’m to accomplish
Before I’m laid in a hole six feet deep
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
To the love you once had for me
That bullet in your head
Really screwed up your memory
On how you treated me
There are no negotiations
To be discussed
Do you not remember
Every three months
You played a dangerous game
To cause pain
By picking a fight
When we were in a good place
You did this for years
Until that day
You let me really see you
For the person you really were
When you had the nerve
To try to make me fell
That I should be greatful to have you
After you told me
There were other girls
You passed up for me
I will never be that girl
You will have put on a scale
To weigh your options
I am THE ONLY OPTION
If you saw me for who I am
And not who you tried to change me to be
I like who I am
I guarantee you
There is nothing
Left to say to one other
I won’t stand still
So I can be easily caught
I refuse to be an easy target
I am a fighter
That has learned a few new moves
Because in this game
No one plays by the rules
I am faster and better
I move like lightening
Striking without notice
Creeping up
Suddenly
Hitting my target
On the back of the head
Placing my foot
On the neck of my enemy
So it can not rise up against me
To kill what is left of my dignity
Today no part of me dies
Because of your trickery
Saying you miss me
You love me
You want what we had
Before it was all thrown away
Because of your need to get back at me
For things you felt
I should be punished for
What some other person did to you
My only crime
Was that I loved you
I’m not the person you met long ago
You would pick a fight with
To break up with
Then in the same night
Told me I should get back with you
Saying I was wrong to feel
You didn’t appreciate me
I’m wiser now
I’m too focused on what my future holds for me
On how it is suppose to be
Without the drama
Without the unknowing
When will it be the moment
You will crash and burn
Scalding me because I was too close
To you
So for that reason alone
I’m standing clear of you

-Yellowbonewonda

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